Giving everything.

School starts Tuesday. This is exciting and terrifying at the same time. Memories of schedules, homework, and making lunches fill my brain as I watch the last lazy days of summer slip through my grasping hands. I think back over last year, and remember all we went through with our sweet Mayla. Her not feeling accepted, or 'enough'...she hates being different. We decided to let her do something that would make her feel special. People may look down on us for it- but we felt, as her parents, that it was healthy for her self esteem. We let her get a second earring holes. She has two cute pink studs on each ear. I also have spent the past 2 says, taking 6 hrs to put in over 200 microbraids so she could feel on her game for going back to school. I was telling two friends about this tonight, and said to them, "I would do ANYTHING to make her love herself and not care what other people think". Which I know may sound unhealthy, and they both know me and know I wouldn't do anything drastic (I won't even let her straighten her hair for goodness sake). There is something inside of me that wants her not to ever feel left out, or not accepted for who she is.

As I was driving home from dinner, I was thinking about what I had said again. And felt a small voice tell me- I felt the same way. I wanted you not to have to worry about mans acceptance or God's wrath. And so I did give everything...for you, my daughter.

Amazed at how much I am loved.

Maine Maple Sunday

This past weekend is what we Mainers like to call "Maine Maple Sunday", but it is actually Saturday and Sunday.  All the local sugar shacks are open and boiling sap to make maple syrup.  They normally give tours, explain the process and have samples galore, as well as syrup to buy.  We normally go to this every year.  We tried to make the little ones like it, when in reality each year we end up with cold, sticky, whinny kids who plead with us to go home.  So this year, we didn't go.  We aren't giving up on it altogether, and we may try again in the future.  My dad always used to tap the trees for sap and he has a huge outdoor stove for boiling.  Maybe we can do it Grampy style in the future.  Anywho- this year we started a new tradition.

We invited some great friends over....(pj's required)

The Daddy's did the cooking....

The Mommy's set the table and did the taste testing;)

Then we all feasted!

We will make one change in the future...but this is all we had. 

After breakfast, we all took time to plan our gardens.  Figure out what seeds we needed to buy.  Then we took a spontaneous trip to go buy the seeds! 

They have a love/hate relationship. 

The other crazies.  They were a little wound from the sugary breakfast.  Needless to say, we got A LOT of looks from people.  One lady actually said, "Oh my GAWD" and shook her head in disgust.  We just laughed, then Shaun said, "Hey I have an idea, let's each adopt one more!" (which we are doing, hehe) 

Lettuce is super exciting! 

To pumpkin or not to pumpkin? We pumpkined. 

Starting new traditions is fun! What non-traditional (christmas, thanksgiving ect) traditions does you family have? 

Goodbye, Grampa.

Grampa,

I loved your strong hugs. I loved how you smelled like chapstick and outside.  I loved climbing into your lap to sit with you in your chair.  I loved your rough hands and scratchy face. I loved singing for you.  I loved being amazed at how big your boots were. I loved your laugh, and your smile and your sense of humor.  I loved how you called me chicken legs.  I love that you used to mute the commercials, and how I do that now too. I love how you were strong and sometimes grumpy but that you were always smiling and tender with us. You will be missed. 

Dreams.

Adoption is such a huge, bigger then yourself thing.  It really stretches and challenges my trust in God.  Last night I saw a picture of Elie (who we are adopting from Haiti) with the chicken pox.  All I wanted to do, was slather him in some anti itch medicine and rock him to sleep, or distract him by reading books or play with toys on the floor. I want to feel how his hair has grown out, I want to see his new teeth, I want to know him, and for him to know me.  But here I am, and there he is.  It makes my heart cringe thinking of how uncomfortable he must be, and I know he is alone for most of it.  Yes there are caregivers, but not enough.  Yes he is cared for, but not how I would.  I need to be careful here not to sound like 'our way is the right way'...but who cares more for a baby then their mother?  Who knows the sound of each cry and what can soothe it?

Last night I had a dream about him.  He was walking (which may be a very real possibility soon! He will be one May 28th.) and he reached his little hand up to mine, and starred at me with those big brown eyes and said, "mama".  Kind of like, come on mommy, I will lead the way.

This sent me into a bad morning.  An un-trusting morning.  How unfair does it seem that all our stuff for his adoption is in and done, and paid for, yet there he sits...and can for 2 more years.  It is breath-taking (in a bad way) at times.  I was talking to another friend today who is adopting, and she said, "I cry at night, I cry during the day, who am I kidding, I cry all the time".  I get it.  I find myself trying so hard not to dwell on the fact that he is there, but when we all get together for a family picture, or when I tuck each kid in at night and kiss them, it makes me long for him to be here.  I want to tuck him in each night.  I want to kiss his little forehead.  I want him to call me mama.

Adoption when you have kids who are old enough to understand it is interesting.  Malachi, our oldest (6) cries sometimes thinking of him being there.  He is such a great big brother, and he remembers going through this with Mayla, even though he was so young.  They have conversations that I overhear.
Malachi: Mayla, remember that time I spent a summer in Maine while Mommy and Daddy were with the youth group?
Mayla: No.
Malachi: Oh yeah, that is because you were still in Africa.
Mayla: Oh yeah, I knew that.
Malachi: I will take you back there, when we get older.  Maybe when we gradtruate cottage. (listening while trying not to laugh).  Mommy said Ethiopia is kinda next to Egypt, so we could go there, and then take a car to Egypt, and see the pyramids.
Mayla: Yeah, and I can show you where I lived.
Malachi: Yeah, let's ask mommy.

Then they come to me to ask, and find a teary eyed mommy.  "why are you sad?", they ask. When really, I am not sad at all. I am so happy, and thankful that by God's grace Mayla fits here.  That they are best buddies.  And that they get it.

Malachi and Mayla after just meeting in the airport, doing some sort of dance- best buds from the start.

Mayla came home from school the other day telling me about 'Jamaica.' Apparently, they had a huge flood, and lost all of their dogs, and babies, and clothes.  She was very concerned.  She is 5.  We talked about it, and how it made her feel- and she said, "it just makes me sad that some kids in Haiti and Jamaica (Japan) don't have Mommy's".  And it makes me sad too.  But at the same time, it makes me happy.  Happy that our kids see the value in adoption. Happy that Mayla doesn't resent being adopted, and even if that stage of her life does come, I know that God will use it in her life to draw her closer to Him.

I keep telling myself that Elie will  be the same age as Mayla when she came home, if the 2 yr waiting period is correct.  That does quiet my heart a little, because it feels like Mayla has always been here.  I can hardly remember my life without her.

This adoption is a little different though.  With Mayla's, we got her referral and 4 months later we were boarding a plane to bring her home.  Elie I have met and had to leave twice now.  The first time not knowing he was my son in my head, but definitely knowing in my heart.  When I was in Haiti in October, I remember giving him a bath.  I was holding him in the nursing position and he thought I was going to nurse him.  It was so sweet.  It is something only moms can probably understand, but I will hold on to that moment my entire life.  this last time I went with Ben, so he could meet him- and he had grown so much!  He loved playing with my hair.  Any chance he got, he had his fingers in it, which is just like Malachi used to do.  All of these little moments of bonding, of creating an attachment to my son, are priceless to me.

First time I bathed him. Cold water bucket bath, not a fan.

Today, when I was really feeling low- I was reminded about just how much God cares for our kids.  Because ultimately, they are His kids that he is lending out to us so to speak.  He is giving us the privilege  of raising them.  So to answer my question on who knows how to comfort better then a mother, and who knows his cries and how to soothe them...I need to remember, that God does.  He loves Elie more then I can imagine.  He loves Malachi, Mayla, Logan and Corbin more too.  I think about the day Ben and I left Haiti, and left him in his playpen, where he spends the majority of each day, and how he just looked up at me and smiled a huge grin. I can still see it in my head.  It broke my heart. I need to remind myself over and over that God rules over this situation, He is in control of it.  He will bring him home at exactly the right time.

In the mean time, sleep well my baby boy.  While mommy can't sing to you in your ear, she is praying nonstop for you in her heart.  Lead the way, Mama will follow. Because chasing after you is bringing me closer to Jesus- and there is no place I would rather be.

First Day of Spring!

Happy Spring everyone!

 Here is what we did today:

 Yesterday, Ben and I planned out our garden.  Today we started some of our seeds.  We didn't have any starter pots, and didn't want to go out and buy any so we made some out of newspaper.

 We found a shelf in the garage, and put it in a sunny spot. I also got to transplant some of my other plants that I have gotten recently into larger pots. 

 The kids look forward to planting every year with Ben. 

 We then went exploring in the woods.  It was 40 degrees out, but the sun was shining and there was no wind! 

 We all just threw on some coats and boots- didn't realize until after we were in the mud that Mayla still had her church clothes on...ah well! 

 Playing in the swamp. We walked pretty far in the woods, went to an old tree house, a small river, and back up to our rd.  Once there the kids raced home.  

Who can resist mud? Not me.

Ben cut me some Forsythia and we are going to force it to bloom inside.

I hope you all had a fun day celebrating the first day of Spring! 

Some thoughts on parenting

Having kids is hard work. Training your kids in the gospel is even harder.  So many times when my kids are fighting, I just want to stay, "STOP IT!" and truth be told, I do.  Those little spats are the ones that make me exhausted after they go to bed, and feeling entitled to me time.  But the REAL truth be told, those are the times that God has given me to speak the gospel into their lives.  And while sometimes I feel like a broken record, I need to trust that what God has given me to do right now (raise these kids) will bear fruit someday.

Disclaimer- she put herself behind the toy box, and then cried because she couldn't figure out how to get out.  We don't normally take pictures of our kids crying:)

This was a great/convicting post. As well as this.


Ben and I are also trying to be more intentional on raising our kids.  We want to serve and bless our kids well.  This is a list we found and are going to try and do to purposefully create memories. While we do some of them already, I thought it was a good list and may help others too!

1. Daddy-Daughter / Daddy-Son Dates Once a Month: Spend individual time with each child, at least once a month (this applies to Mommy-Daughter or Mommy-Son dates as well). Go out to eat together, go for a drive, do something the child wants to do – but spend time with each other, talk, create memories, and have fun!
2. Dad’s Saturday Breakfast: Let mom take the morning off – Dad and the kids make Mom breakfast on Saturday’s!
3. Two Family Night’s Each Month: Establish every other Friday (or Sunday, Wednesday, etc. – whenever) as ‘Family Day.’ No business, sports, TV, friends, etc. that night. Just family! Pull out the games and play games together as a family. Watch a movie together. Go out to eat. Just have fun and be together! Most importantly, be consistent in doing it every month!
4. ‘Friends Night’: Be involved in your kid’s lives, create an ‘open home’ environment, and help your children feel comfortable inviting friends over into your home. Once a month, have a ‘friends night’ where your kids can invite over any friends – and just allow them to have fun, play games, and just enjoy being together!
5. ‘Saturday Work Hour’: Each Saturday morning, set aside one hour where the whole family helps with work around the house. From cleaning rooms and the house, to vacuuming, to mowing the lawn and yard work – just establish the tradition that for one hour every Saturday – it is ‘family work time.’
6. ‘Annual Days’: Be creative and establish certain days each year to do the same thing. Examples: go bowling, fishing, camping, shopping, skiing, hiking, etc. Attend a baseball game, a performance, go for a drive, visit someone, call someone, do a service project, etc. Perhaps just have an annual ‘Family Day,’ or ‘Kids Day,’ or ‘Sports Day,’ or ‘Amusement Park Day,’ etc. Choose one or many – or think of your own – but do this same activity every year on a certain day!
7. ‘Special Plate’: Designate a plate that will only be used for ‘special’ occasions (simply buy or make your own). Pull it out for: good report cards, awards at school, winning a game, a good performance, graduation, promotions, pay raises, birthday’s, anniversary’s, etc.
8. ‘Growth Wall’: Use a wall in the house as the ‘growth chart.’ As children grow, mark their growing heights as the years pass.
9. Annual Family Vacation: Just put it in the calendar that every year the family will go on a family vacation together! It of course can be at different times, and to different places – but do it every year.
10. Monthly Reach Out to Family Day: Set aside a few minutes once a month to simply stay in touch with family. Pick up the phone and make calls, send some emails, write a few letters – do something. Call parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, niece/nephew, friends, etc.
11. Daily Chores: Make it a tradition (although the kids may not see this as that ‘fun’ of a tradition) – to have each child have a daily chore. It could be: make bed, clean room, vacuum, straighten bathroom, set table, etc. Establish a tradition of work and helping the family.
12. Weekly Family Planning: Get together as a family each week and go over schedule, calendar, things coming up, etc. More importantly, talk about and discuss any issues needing to be addressed, use it has time to teach, communicate and stay connected, and just be together.
13. ‘Learn to Cook’: Perhaps each Sunday, have each child take a turn helping cook the Sunday dinner. Use this time not only to help the child learn how to cook – but just have one on one time with just you and your child.
14. Annual Ancestry and Family History Day: Perhaps on Memorial day, go and visit the graves of loved ones who have passed on. Go and visit living grandparents. Visit, talk to, learn from, and record history of these people.
15. ‘Stay Up Late Friday Nights’: Each Friday night – the kids get to stay up (and then sleep in on Sat. morning). Just stay up as a family and play games together, tell stories, watch a movie, etc.

A month late update...

I wanted to share about what we did for Valentines day.  We normally don't celebrate that day.  Not because we don't like love, and certainly not because I don't like chocolate, but because I am spoiled every day of the year we show our love everyday, and don't require a special day to declare it.

That was before 4 kids.  That was before our life got crazy.  That was before when we had numerous amounts of date nights.


Now we are older wiser, and we understand that making specific time for each other needs to be a priority.  We are also poorer  blessed with more kids.  Read: high dental bills, doctor bills, t-ball sign ups that cost $70, groceries to feed this many people, etc. So we have had to get more crafty in our date nights.  Going to be real for a minute and say that we have actually failed pretty hard core at this.  I remember when we were first married we would go out once a week. It slowly became less and less, and now it's more like once every 2 months, if we are lucky.  We are working on it.  It's hard to find sitters when you have 4 kids.  I am going to start a babysitting coop with my mom friends- I AM.  I have said that for a long time.  So that is me yelling at  reminding myself.

Back to why I am updating.  This year for Valentines day we decided to celebrate, even though we couldn't go out.  We fed the kids leftovers and put them to bed an hour early.  Ben grilled us up some of his famous cheese, green pepper and onion stuffed burgers and we also bought some salty, horrible for you rice pilaf (cause I secretly love things that are bad for me) and we had no veggies.  It was a great meal.  Ben was sweet and set up our basement like a restaurant.

There was even live music. And yes, we created a 'LOVE SONGS' station for the occasion. It was perfectly cheesy.

Yes that is milk in my wine glass, no I am not pregnant.  Can't a girl just love milk and burgers and rice pilaf? Yes, I am a child.

After eating, we decided to dance to the music- Ben got a little out of hand, per usual.

I on the other hand, was being quite reserved...

Until my husband spun me around, forgetting I just slammed a burger (and that I hadn't had red meat in a long time).  Needless to say, I almost lost  my Valentines dinner on the floor.  Thankfully, I held it together.

We then watched a free instant Netflix together.  It was fun, it was free.  It was KIDLESS.  Try it, I dare you.